School started back and I just was not ready. I have loved having my babies home even on the days they fought like cat and mouse and I thought my head would spin till it came clear off. I know we need to get back to schedules, less screen time, and for me work. I know our days of lazing around and doing whatever we fancied on a whim is not practical for a long term plan, but oh how I loved it. We were just being together. Every once in a while I had a pang every time someone asked the kiddos what they did this summer and they did not fill their answers with summer camps, sport activities, and some other exotic way of life. To be honest those pangs arise as they always do when I feel like I am not being enough. Even now I wounder if I was too lax, did not create enough moments to make big memories. Part was due to having a flair up since Guatemala. My body can not handle much. The other part of this summer was completely selfish. I know as the kiddos get older their summers will be filled with wanting to be out and about... without me, but with their friends. I have the deepest desire to hold onto the days when they are okay just being too. They are my gift and I want to continue to unfold them as they grow and not miss a moment. To be the one to help mold them into who they are meant to be. I do not take that charge lightly. A charge from above that was gifted to me the moment they were laid into my arms and heart. Now to find new routines and find new ways to just be during this season when school, homework and sports start to run wild. The moments of just being are the moments I desperately do not want to miss. Those are the memories I long for.
These words I read on Design for Mankind and it quickly became my anthem for summer as they penetrated deep within my soul...
"And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, "This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!" And each day, it's up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, "No. This is what's important." - Iain Thomas
* Erin from Design for Mankind is coming out with a book. Her writing can lull me into another place. A good place where I want to be a better version of my self and actually forgive myself when those days don't happen. She has a gift and I am thrilled she is sharing it with us. You can put the book on pre-order here.