When we moved into this rental owned by a dear friend I did not know what to expect. We moved unexpectedly and although not far it was a shift in life. A new town, a new school, new neighbors, and new friends kept me on my toes. The toes of a ballerina whose shoes look beautiful on the outside, but wrapped and scared on the in. The older I have become the more unsettled I feel with change. The not knowing, the feeling of falling enveloped me. What I did not know at the time was that a year later that was exactly what I needed. I needed to have only my family to hold on to, I needed to be removed from my comfort zone, I needed to find me again. My daily prayers became screams of needing God more and that is exactly what I got while going through a long hard year. Five months of this year I was more in bed than out of it. I counted and it was an eye opening realization. Between sickness, my burns, and pure exhaustion I succumb to rest. It was what I needed. I did not realize I was running on empty so much so I did not know what anything but that could feel like anymore. Everything overwhelmed me. I stopped hearing Him clearly and once forced to stop it was all I could do but stop and listen. To worship in the quiet, to read the word in the quiet, to reach out in the quiet. I would love to say I'm finally in a good place, but I won't. I'm not sure I want to be. I have grown to desire that place where I realize I can't do anything well on my own and need God to renew me daily. This renewing let's me breath again.
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31