comparison...

Last weekend I started to write this blog post for Monday. Then as I was setting the post to be published I felt as if the Lord said just wait. A few days later I again felt the Lord was giving me the "it's time" release, but not without adding to it first. So here is my last weekend post with an addition following...

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Sunday the 15th:

Last week/weekend we fought another bout of the flu. Thankfully me and the kiddos started tamiflu earlier so it was not nearly as bad as the first time. The Mr on the other hand was not so lucky and was pretty miserable. This also led me down the hole of instagram comparison again. One can only watch so much video games, HGTV and disney movies before needing another outlet. I really have such a love/hate relationship with it. I love it because I can connect with the blog friends I have made over the years that are more far than near and it also can inspire me to get creative, but those times it doesn't... I then start to think maybe I should dress cuter rather than my boring uniforms, I get lost in food pics rather than actually cooking, long hikes with the kids? Forget it, I just started walking short distances without getting winded. Oh and the valentines day cuteness was on overload and by the end of the day I realized I didn't even make the kids or Mr a card never mind heart shaped pancakes, baskets full of goodies, and a romantic meal around the coffee table. We laid on the sofa mostly. Of course none of this is really bad and I really did enjoy seeing everyone showing love to their people. Most of those ways made me smile big. It DOES get bad though when I start feeling bad about myself or wanting to change myself because of a picture. A PICTURE people! When the echo of I FAIL becomes louder than it should. Part of me thinks I just need to stop it all, apparently I have issues, but that also means I may be telling this little blog goodbye. I just don't feel like that time has come though. I have met way too many wonderful people through this blog journey and honestly I'm not 100% sure what else I would do.  Would it be weird for me to set up instagram times like business hours? How do you all battle with comparison? Surely I am not the only one.

Wednesday the 18th:

 By the evening of that Sunday I was feeling rather defeated in my lack of self control. As I fell asleep I prayed asking the Lord what was this feeling all about and I felt a reminder that I was not getting up early seeking Him and giving my day to Him as I have been doing. This caused me to wake up and start my day with making sure the kids are fed, the dog goes out, watching TV, answering emails, and by the end of the week looking at instagram first. I was not waking to the peace He gives me to tackle my day and how I do that is waking an hour earlier before the kids have to get ready for school. With everyone home sick I just lost track of my need for a schedule. I make myself a cup of coffee, wake the kids to see if they want to join me, if so I fix them breakfast, and I then go into my office {a no bickering zone} turn on worship music and pray and soak in the word {bible}, and ultimately I am giving that day to Jesus first. This little routine of mine sets my day up to maybe not go perfect, but even when the busyness happens, when I feel tired and ill, or when things just fall apart in general I am in a better spirit to handle those things.  They seem not to affect me as greatly. I seem to be calmer, less snappy and honestly when I do check instagram it does not make me feel as if I am less than. I was starting my day with me instead of starting my day with Him. I am flawed while He pure in every way. For that, I am grateful for new days and the gift of starting over. His word rings true and for that I am indebted.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.